Fearing the Light

What if it isn’t the darkness we fear? What if it’s the light?

The other night as I lay struggling (in small measure) against feelings of vulnerability and fear, I thought about how much I hated the darkness I felt.

I then recalled being a young girl, hiding in a tiny dark room with light seeping in from under the door. I hid from what lay on the other side, in the light, and I realized now as an adult, that it’s not the darkness I fear so much as the light.

It’s easy to retreat into the safety of darkness rather than face the vulnerability of the light, to face love or potential rejection; happiness and pain both. It’s easier to avoid it all and seek comparable comfort.

I’ve known so many who say they have been rejected too many times, that they are done with dating, perhaps just for a time, a break, perhaps forever. Maybe our emotional well-being is not so different from our physical well-being. Just like when our bodies are overwhelmed by pain and we faint, perhaps our emotions can only take so much and we require immediate relief from the heartache.

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About the AuthorCaroline Kingsley is writer, producer and mother.  She currently lives in Heber, Utah.

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