YSA Alumni Unite

BrittneyTreece

 

What does it mean to be a Mid-Single that is also LDS?

It means wondering if God’s promises will actually come to pass and whether or not we are worthy enough to receive them.

It means turning down perfectly good marriage proposals, from great men, that happen not to be LDS—nor are they willing to ever become such.

It means hoping in a spouse that can understand our individual crazy, and still like us, after he sees the extent of how far it is.

It means practicing being a “mom” by helping others with their kids.

I am a professional Auntie; I give my nieces and nephews the love that I would give, if I had kids…and candy that they don’t need (granted, my sister says that her 4yr old would be 5,000 lbs, if she were mine because of all the candy that I give her. While her insinuations might be true, I love my nieces and nephews to the moon and back).

It’s about being there for others that are in similar situations and situations one has never had to experience. I never thought I’d ever be a mid-single; then again, I never thought that I’d be in the situation that I’m currently in.


 

I had anticipated gearing my professional interests towards getting into Hollywood and I was quite serious about this lofty goal.

I had all the right eating disorders and body dysmorphia to go along with it….I had had a couple of breaks, without even having an agent (this was impressive because you usually have to have an agent, in order to get gigs at all….I like to do things the hard way—or so, this is something unfortunate about myself that I’ve noticed).

I thought that the stars were aligning in my life and that things were about to get “REAL.”

My life did get “REAL,” but not in the way that I had intended for it to happen.

I was a junior in college, at a Cal-State, and I had been in Judo, took beyond a full load of courses every quarter, and I was working from 32-40 hrs a week, all at the same period.

Then I found out that I had M.S…. I felt angry.

I was 19 when I started having weird unexplainable problems that were happening to my body (that weren’t normal to be having at that age).

I felt lied to; especially in regards to the Word of Wisdom.

I felt if it had been so wise, then why was it that I was suffering from an illness that I didn’t do anything wrong to get!?!?

Why was it that people who were drug users, fornicators, adulterers and other illicit bad things, not having their world ruined?!?!

Wasn’t I supposed to be blessed because I wasn’t participating in bad things!?!!?

Where was God’s hand in my life with this problem?!?

What had I done to deserve such displeasure from God?!?

Didn’t He know that I had big plans!?!

He did know….it’s just that His plans were better than mine….AND completely different….it’s something that I still struggle with to this day.

The “natural man” (or should I say woman, to be PC?) in me wanted exciting things (I still want that..ALL.THE.TIME.—sadly, my body parts are in league against me) to happen to me in life….I’m still hopeful….or possibly naïve…..or a bit of both……


 

It’s kind of like when I moved to Utah….I had anticipated that it would be so easy to live the gospel because there were other like-minded individuals there.

I’ve never lived in such a highly populated LDS community before; I was used to being the only LDS person in a town (along with my family members).

My family moved around a lot; we even lived in Germany for about four years.

My dad was military and then he got a civilian job working with the V.A…You would think that that would mean that we would move less, but we moved more with that job than we did with the Army….I was naively excited that Utah would hold so many hidden treasures (kind of like when I rode a helicopter for the first and only time—it seemed like it was going to be great, but in actuality, it was like riding a flying lawn mower).

Sadly, I have found more “pandora’s boxes” than I did treasures in Utah.

Utah is a beautiful state and it is like the Mormon Mecca Mating grounds, but it is quite hard living among my people (LDS population); it is easy to rationalize doing bad things because others of our faith that are doing it and they don’t seem like bad people….at least not at first.

I like to call living in Utah, living at the Sanhedrin with the Pharicees and the Sadduccees.

Often Christ chastised those groups of individuals that were supposed to be some of the most pious people, but in actuality, they were some of the most horrible on the inside—which kind of defeats the purpose of the gospel of Jesus Christ (but they looked good on the outside–like whited sepluchres that stank on the inside).

It is because of the change that takes place in our heart (because of the gospel and realizing the atonement of Jesus Christ) that we become better people and emanate a beauty that is noticeable in our countenances because Christ has been engraved into them.


 

As a teenager, the stigma of someone being 25 and not married (while being LDS), seemed blasphemous because being LDS meant “MARRIAGE!!” was important and those that weren’t getting with the program obviously had “issues” that couldn’t be resolved during this life time.

I remember when I first went to Gospel Doctrine (when I was 18) and how elevated it seemed in comparison to YW. I thought about how many clever and profound points that I’d be able to glean and give.

My family lived in a rather financially privileged (which we were not) ward, that I wanted to excel in the role of student. I was soon given a calling being a Beehive Advisor…not what I had planned.

I think a lot of Mid Single LDS people can relate to feeling as if they are an “after-thought” because of how family oriented the church is.

A former MSA friend of mine said, “Yeah, Mid Singles are like the ugly red headed step child of the church.” I laughed at his description but it’s not entirely too far off.

It’s as if you don’t fit and you might as well just fall off the edge of the earth because no one would really care, since you don’t have a spouse or a family (of your own).

I still remember a time when I was in Iowa and the bishop of a small family ward asked me if I was gay.

I was 27 and randomly called into the bishop’s office.

I remember being incredibly offended, but then I realized he was deflecting onto me issues that he had had with his daughter that was very close to my age (that was incredibly rebellious and not active—who also had red hair); it was a trial of my faith.

I had never experienced such brazen questioning by a church official.

The fact of the matter was that I was in a family ward because an ex-fiance (that ended up being crazier than a Tasmanian devil) was in the YSA ward and I wanted nothing to do with him or the lies that he had proliferated around that specific ward.


 

A lot of Mid Singles are trying to do what’s right, but it seems all for naught at times because there aren’t instantaneous rewards…kind of like when you’re dieting and you don’t see progress happening even though you are taking your bum to the gym and pushing yourself to the max…and it’s still not enough.

LDS MSA is a group of people with as diverse of tricky situations and heartaches that haven’t been recompensed.

Some have experienced tragic divorces at the hand of their unfaithful spouses; some have been those unfaithful spouses (but they have changed a new leaf).

Some are emotionally inept with scars from childhood and family issues that they try to keep quiet, so someone will want them.

A friend of mine that is 11 years older than I am was saying that he was too old. Plus, he had 4 kids and had been married for 19 years, prior to his ex, cheating on him a second time.

I told him that he wasn’t old, he was just “gently used.”

I think we’re all “gently used” and there is a part of us that feels as if no one wants the problems and issues that we each struggle with, so we settle into being a Mid Single Adult without foreseeing any possible valid escape…except the 1%…..lol

I’ve seen that beauty, education, personality, and good finances, doesn’t necessarily mean one is prepared for love and an eternal intimate best friend relationship.

Sometimes I’ve seen people that are just plain hot messes get married and then I feel as if I should be more complacent about things.

It’s interesting to me how some MSA individuals date people with overtly obvious health problems that they can somehow glean extra points in heaven for.


 

Being a midsingle means trying internet dating or moving to Utah because you’ve exhausted from all other forms of communication with the opposite sex, where you previously lived.

You then scurry to find as much dirt as you can (about the person, on the internet) in regards to others and forget something called “the atonement” that whitens a lot of the crimson a person may have in their life.

Being an MSA means crying yourself to sleep at times and wishing that you could have someone to get into a fight with and then make out with them after you make up.

Being an MSA means fun (sometimes non-commital activities) to be had across the board…even if you sometimes have creepers that come and attend.

We all bring a vast variety of experiences to the MSA ward (and sometimes children….and others that wish that they had custody of their children), but it is our experiences that have made us into the strong individuals that we have had to become, in order to handle what life has given us.

Being an MSA is about coming together, in our somewhat undesired state and making life more beautiful, for all we encounter.


 

I have met some of the most interesting people in the MSA age range.

I’ve met a famous basketball player (with ginormous hands), I’ve met important people with important jobs, I’ve met people with undesirable situations, some individuals that I know that we will be friends for life because we’re LDS and that’s enough commonality for us to bond over.

There have been terrific people; prolific possibilities to date, that have yet to come to fruition.

Even though our hearts may hurt and feel as if we may never love again, in this life, we still go to the MSA ward to defy the very things that our heart feels as if we cannot bear.

It is that hopeful heart, that wistful desire, that keeps us coming back, to the people that we have learned to love like family, even if we can’t see them as a part of “Our” eternal family.

I know that I fit in my ward because I am an MSA member that values my relationship with Jesus Christ, enough to, surround myself with others that are strong in the faith and that hold my values.

Chapter 8, verse 28 of Romans states, “28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”


 

We must have patience and love, towards our fellow man, even in the midst of our trials—be they loneliness, misunderstandings, feeling unlovable, and etc, we all come to the same Savior, with similar deficits that we cannot fix on our own.

Only our Savior, Jesus Christ, has the abilities to succor His people, in the way that they need.

Let us constantly yearn to be in the service of our brethren, so that we will be in the service of our God, regardless of what our marital status is—for that does not truly make who we are, but adds to it, when it is the right person and right time.

 


 

By Britney Treece

 

Comments

comments



Comments are closed.