Learning to Trust Again…. Perspective of a Midsingle Convert

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I had just been asked out by a decent man, and said no. It’s not that I wanted to be alone. I was lonely. I also knew that to truly honor the Savior and God I loved, I would need to marry.

So, why couldn’t I take steps toward that path? I had all kinds of legitimate excuses to say no without hurting the gentleman’s feelings, but deep down I knew the truth. I didn’t feel capable of trusting anyone.

It wasn’t just my divorce, though that was hard enough. I’d lost everything— my marriage, my church, every friend.

I was excommunicated because I wanted to investigate Mormonism, which my former church considered a cult. I developed a testimony of the gospel, but lost everything else. I was now a single woman, who had always been a stay at home mom, with four children and no way to provide for my family. I knew no one outside of my old church, and had no resources. The betrayal was profound.

Then an LDS man swept in and helped my family. It was wonderful. I found myself looking to that person as a father/counselor/pastor. I depended way too much on his council as I tried to navigate my new life and faith. But, it turned out he had other motives. Not so good ones. After that, I was done with this whole trusting people thing—and I was perfectly fine being done. In the time since I’d converted to Mormonism, I’d found ways to provide for my family. I was learning my new religion and I was happy. Tired, but happy. I could survive this new life.

Deep down, though, I knew something wasn’t right. I pushed it to the back of my mind. I was too busy surviving to meet anyone anyway. That enabled me to perfectly justify not going on dates…until that gentleman asked me out. Suddenly, it was time to face reality. That night, after I got my children to bed and finished my work, I laid down and cried. I told Heavenly Father that I knew He wanted me to eventually get married, but I didn’t think I could trust anyone and I didn’t know what to do about it.

The Spirit comforted me and promised to help. Here’s what He’s taught me since that evening.

1. Don’t let those who’ve harmed you in the past, rob you of a future. They’ve taken enough from you already. When those doubts and fears creep up, refuse to allow them to steal your joy.

2. Don’t unfairly scrutinize. If you look hard enough, you can find a reason not to go out with anyone. I’m sure Mother Theresa had her selfish moments too. Give people a fair chance. As President Boyd K. Packer says, “Consider someone trustworthy until they prove otherwise.”

3. Don’t have unrealistic expectations. We are all human, and humans make mistakes. Don’t hold someone to a higher standard, out of fear, than you would want to be held yourself. Give people room to grow.

4. Step out in faith. I truly believe that when we step out in faith to honor principles of the gospel, we are blessed for it. That doesn’t necessarily translate to a handsome prince sweeping you off your feet, but there will be blessings.

I know from experience how painful and frightening it can be to put yourself in a vulnerable position. Learning to trust can be a process. If you’re like me, you may have to constantly remind yourself of the ideas above, in order to succeed. I also know that our Father in Heaven is faithful. He wants you to have joy. He wants to you be open to possibilities.



 

About the Author- Annmarie Worthington is a single mom and freelance writer in Little Rock, Arkansas. She’s a fairly new convert to the church. You can read about her tumultuous conversion on annmarieathome.blogspot.com

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