Hello, My Name is the Friend Zone. Why Do You Hate me?

mindi

If a person has been single for much time at all they have undoubtedly come across that special kind of person. Someone that they have great conversations with, the same interests, goals and even some dreams. The one you know would do anything for you, and that there is no truth to fear with them.

There’s only one thing missing… When they try to kiss you, you want to gag.

Or maybe you even enjoy kissing them, but you know you could never marry this person. Enter, stage left… THE FRIEND ZONE.

friendzone

Now, before you roll your eyes at this overused reference, hear this! Men and women of the single world- EMBRACE THE FRIEND ZONE … or leave it!!! It is your choice.

You can enjoy it, learn from it, be grateful for it and LOVE IT… But you will not change it! No matter how many discussions you have about what a wonderful spouse you were, or could be. No amount of bonding experiences, cool vacations, spiritual conversations or kid bonding will change this reality.

It is not because you are flawed or less than. It was likely decided in the first 10 minutes of your meeting each other, and there is nothing you can do about it, nothing you SHOULD do about it.

If you can’t enjoy the relationship for what it is and stop pushing for more, you owe it to yourself to get out.

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You deserve for someone to be completely crazy over you…whether it be right out of the gate, or grown over time. Chemistry is a MIXTURE of elements. Both chemicals must embrace the other in order for a bond to occur.

The other side of that coin- if you see that the “friend” you are spending your time with is giving up other options, comparing themselves to your other “friends”, talking him/herself up to you, trying to change your opinion of him/her- YOU are being cruel… Stop.

You are stealing from them. Stealing time, money, and probably things even more important! If you are a man and that is the case, you simply tell her that you are not interested in being more than friends and you likely will never be.

She, being a girl, will hear “I wouldn’t date you if you were the last woman on earth”. It might hurt her, but the longer you wait the MORE it will hurt, and the more addicted to each other you will become. Yes, I said addicted.

friend zone

Ok. So- If you are a woman in this scenario, you must look deep into his eyes and say exactly the following; (listen carefully…repeat after me)

“I am not now, nor will I ever be, interested in being anything more than a friend to you…ever. Yes, I’m certain.” He will hear “so you’re saying there’s a chance…”

Therefore, you must ACT ACCORDINGLY.

It might mean you spend a couple of your kid-less weekends alone. Clean your house, wash your car, visit family, have a girls night out, paint your baseboards, go to the gym, go again.

You will survive, I PROMISE! But please please please don’t taint the friend zone. It’s a beautiful place, when understood and respected by both parties.

I’ve found it works best when neither party is pushing or hoping for anything more than friendship, and there is a mutual understanding that if either of you finds a true long term interest in someone else, that friendship will only continue according to the comfort level of said long term interest!!!

How would it be if we were all able to communicate those feelings honestly and eloquently from the beginning. Love might actually not require a battlefield. HUZZAH!!



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About the Author– Mindi currently hails from the thriving metropolis of Pleasant View Utah. A self proclaimed silly cynic with a side of serious. She is not a runner, though has been known to be involved in a few relays and possibly one half marathon (worst/best decision ever). She is not an actress, however somehow made her way to a stage starting at the age of 6 where there might have been a lot of singing involved. She is not a sewer, but enjoys putting together fabric-like objects, such as purses, skirts and quilt tops. Most recently she has become a not-writer, who jots down ideas and shares them with others. 

Mindi IS a mother of four beautiful (and I’m not kiddin-gorgeous offspring!) children. One post-teen, two very-teen and one pre-teen. They remain the inspiration behind everything good in her happy little world. Mindi is a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a former (and hopefully future) wife, and friend. She hopes to be known best for those roles in this life. The most important things, which are not things. 

Also, she laughs a lot. A very lot.

Mindi also wrote the popular post 8 Things You Say to Divorcees That We Could Be Offended by, But Aren’t Because it Gives us a Chance to Give You These Fantastic Responses

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